Diary of a first time mom

The lamp on my desk used to belong to my aunt. Stainless steel versus ruches paper. Just enough light to write by. Tissue box holder. Never gotten to it to hang it on the wall. An old-fashioned bright yellow stabile marker. Will it still work?
An ordner with the course 'Writing' which I started years ago. Now it's time to get back on track.
Self-development. Time for me.

The cat is scratching the carpet on the other side of the door. She wants to come in, doesn't like it when I exclude her from my world. Bad kitty!
Thirsty. I take a sip of water. Aah, much better.

I miss my fountain pen. Unfortunately it's leaking. A shame because it's my favorite pen. My dad gave it to me once as a birthday present. It's special to me that pen is.

Who am I again? Have I ever known?
I'm working so hard. I'm in the middle of a growth spurt. I'd like to read books again. That used to relax me. Now it's hard to concentrate on even a few pages. I'm giving way to much attention to the iPad and internet.
Do I dare to take it one step further and to make a more profound life?
My foundation is solid now. I'm so glad it is. Not so long ago it was gone, torn down to the ground.
Cracks kept appearing in the concrete. But now I have chosen quality. Because growing to fast hurts.

I still write letters. To Tessa, Paulien and Merel. The letters they write me are to be kept forever. Handwritings, personal and unique. I even found some old postcards from Sophie. Memories made tangible by written words on paper.

Tired. My eyes are weary. My nose is stuffed. The sleep deprivation is taking it's toll. The lamp wiggles on my desk. The bottled water shakes.

The baby's asleep. In the land of dreams.
My dreams have been extremely vivid lately. My pregnancy has changed my brain.
Time to take a step back. I have much more patience then before. Taking care of my little man. With all the love and patience in the world. We have known each other for such a short time but my love for him is anchored in my heart, skin and mind. Unconditional love. Now that's special.

How has having a baby changed your life?

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