The last couple of weeks I had good days and terrible days. Sometimes I think it is easier to just have dark days. Because when I have a good day I get a taste of how good life can be. I want to move on, I want to have fun and enjoy life. But then, one of those dark days comes along.
Somedays I can't even make it out of the house. Is it fear? Is it the demon in my head holding me down? I know one thing, it breaks me up. Every time.
I don't even know what to expect from myself anymore. Planning my week with appointments with friends or getting invitations to parties. I do not know if I can go till the day of the date.
So sometimes it's like there's a dr. Jekyll and a mr. Hyde inside of me.
It's draining. I try to hold on to the good days and savor the positive things that come by.
I do not choose a life of insecurity and daily struggles. I wonder why I go through this or what the lesson is I apparently have to learn.
But today it's monday. A fresh beginning of the week. And I can do nothing more than make the best out of it. For me and my baby boy.
I start of the day with a long hot shower. Brush my teeth and put on something comfortable. Taking care of my little one keeps me busy and applies much needed structure to my day. I try to come up with little challenges to force myself to be active. Like taking a stroll to the mailbox to post cards. Or walk to the supermarket for some errands.
But I wont give up, never.
note: this is a throwback post. I'm happy to say that I have conquered my depression and feel good again. If you are feeling depressed, seek help and don't fight this alone!