The Juggler


I became a mommy on February 20th 2014. It truly is a wonder and a privilege to have a little baby in your life who is entirely yours and your husband's. I see so much of my husband in him it's uncanny. My little one doesn't look much like me. He has light blond hair, my hair's dark brown. He has beautiful baby blue eyes, mine are brown.

And sometimes that bothers me a little. I am so happy he's healthy, happy and growing bigger every day. But you can't see that I'm his mommy when it comes to appearance.

Since I got back to work in early May things were going well. Baby boy went to daycare two days a week, and every thursday my mother in law picks him up to take care of him. I was home every wednesday and my husband every friday.

I got back in the work flow and reconnected with my colleagues and work. I thought everything was going fine and that I was doing fine. But then summer came a long and our vacation was closing by. I was starting to feel more tired and gradually felt myself slipping from being a happy new mom to a grumpy, stressed out co-worker and partner.

One week before our vacation I broke down. One day I was fine, the other day I was crying, feeling depressed and overwhelmed. I couldn't even talk about it and not cry so I wrote my manager an e-mail and explained what was going on. He called me up on the phone and told me it was ok, that I should take some time off and look after myself.

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I got some professional help from a psychologist to help me deal with my problems. Turns out I'm out of balance. I felt like a juggler who could no longer hold up all those balls in the air and was forced to drop some of them. I learned I had trouble relaxing. I was always on the run, trying to solve this and that, running our household, taking care of our baby, trying to get back in shape and be a social butterfly. My body had made it clear to me that I'd forgotten to take care of myself and thus had to take a pause.

I find it really hard to slow down and just be in the moment. Like I'm being chased by time. Gradually I'm working little mindfulness exercises in my daily routine. Taking a moment to smell fresh air, feel the fabric of the laundry I'm folding but also truly tasting that fresh cup of coffee.

Writing is also a good way to get things out of my mind and thoughts.

Please share your 'juggling' secrets and tips with me. Momma's gotta help each other out right?

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